Mrs. K.

I don't know what it is about the Irish and attending wakes. I think somewhere, deep in our bones, drinkers or not, we Irish still believe someone will hand us a drink. Since the only thing an Irishman loves more then drink is a good laugh or a good cry, a wake is still the perfect place to see loved ones. Last night I attended a wake and as I left the house, each child and then husband called after me, "Have a good time!" Now that is either the Irish in them or a pityful statement on my social life.
The wake I went to last night was for the mom of my mom's dear friend, Mrs. Karasinski. I pretty much only call her Mrs. K. I can tell you the very first time Mom met Mrs. K: We were crossing a side street on Walburton Ave. in Yonkers to our apartment building. Mrs. K and her family lived across the street in an old converted Victorian. She was so young and cool to my experienced Kindergarten mind! Her son Ed and I went to kindergarten,at PS 25, together and and as it would turn out, we went through all of grade school at St. Matthews for the next 8 years. We even went to college together for a few years as well.
A lifelong friendship began on a street corner in Yonkers between these two incredibly different woman. They would do PTA and hot dog lunches and class trips together. They care pooled together and I was the thorn in the side of Mrs. K's in that car....just ask her, she will tell you! Every mark on her son Ed's face, came from me...she can also tell you that I gave him those right before every picture the family ever took together!
In the years of Mom's illness, Mrs. K brought food (come of the best ever!) and she would visit with Mom for a few hours at a time.
At the end, after a visit to the hospital, Mom turned to me and said, "What a good friend she turned out to be."
Well today Mrs. K buries her own Mom. Yes, she was in her 90's and had lived a full life. Mrs. K is a grandma herself, many times over. But she lost her mom. That always hurt, be it at 90 or 53 or 28.
As I've said before, there is a loneliness in losing your mom that only those who know, know.

Over and done...

Well that is that. Never again will the words Pro-Life Democrat mean a thing to me. The truth is party over life. I so wanted a victory for the unborn. But we lost.
We live to fight another day, but how many of babies won't.
Time to get my children ready for school, but with a heavy heart this morning. The fundamental transformation of America continues. On to immigration reform...God save us.

Vote...

Sabbath: Vote On Abortionby Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN)

This is it. It seems that Speaker Nancy Pelosi is almost done twisting arms and leadership has just announced a vote in as little as 72 hours. That would make the final vote this Sunday.

I am abhorred that Pro-life democrats are asked to vote on a pro-abortion mandate this Sunday, the Sabbath. This is the Easter season for Christians, a period of time called lent. Speaker Pelosi is demanding pro-life Democrats profane the Sabbath with a vote that will force all Americans to pay for other people’s abortions. This is a first in American history and a new low for Speaker Pelosi and President Obama.

I don't think I can say it better then that. Notice they did the last vote on Christmas Eve...now there is a slap in the face if ever there was one.
I won't hide the fact that I am completely pro-life. There is no excuse, ever.

I heard one commentator explain that while some people have begun to tune it out, that they are wearied by the constant talk of health care, they will have to get use to it. IF this thing passes, we will forever talk about health care, just like they do in Canada, England and Ireland. We will talk about how to make the lines and waits shorter, how to get more doctors, will nurses strike, etc, etc, etc.
As I've written before, I know life with out insurance. Mom had no insurance the last two years on the vent and no, she would not have lived longer had we had insurance. The doctor still made a yearly house call, we took care of the vent, she got her meds...it cost us, but she got plenty of care.
I had no insurance as a student nurse and the first six months I was working. I survived it. This reform is not about helping people, it is about control. It breaks my heart...there is reform that needs to take place but this is not it.
God save us from ourselves as a nation.

Monday again....

6:18...Husband and oldest are out the door, second oldest is running around getting ready and I have 12 minutes until I have to speak to anyone again. Such is life these days. It seems I will have one child home sick today. Again, such is life in a relatively big family.
I've been praying, of late ,a great deal about our children, not just mine, but the corporal body of our children. I see this trend towards moving away from the Lord as they get older. Young adults just old enough to be independent and just young enough to be stupid. It's the hardest age group I know of. The age when you are deciding what to be for the REST of your life, falling in love, deciding on who to date, will you date, getting married, does marrying a believer really matter, where to live, will Mom and Dad be that strong influence? Ugh...tough age. I would so not be twenty again for all the tea in China.
I think so many of us are capable of raising good kids. The the thing is, I don't want good kids. I want holy kids. Now how to you get there?
How do we not provoke our children to the point of being exasperated as the NIV puts it in Ephesians or to wrath as the KJV puts it? I don't know. I find myself looking to my older and wiser contemporaries who have kids in college and I find most of them weeping over their kids. I don't know the answer and I don't know any parent who does. It sometimes feels like uncharted waters here. Raising kids who stick to their faith when Mom and Dad are not looking seems to be few and far between.
My girlfriend Leslie puts it this way, "To raise a kid who does NOT share the testimony: I was raised in a Christian home, BUT..." We long to raise Christian kids who can make it with out the "BUT" in their testimony. No BUT I went to college and fell away, no BUT I married an unbeliever, no BUT I started drinking heavily or was enticed by cocaine...no BUT.
If we are truly raising our children, even in a wicked age, in the fear and admonition of the Lord, we are told that when they are older they will not depart from it. So it leaves me to wonder, what are we doing wrong?
"Raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is older, he will not depart from it." God's word never ever fails and is never ever un-true. So what are we missing?
My kids are still young enough that no one is in the "BUT" stage as of yet...but it won't be long before their faith will be theirs, not mine and not just to please me. Will they stand or will they "BUT". I would like to head the BUT off at the pass.
I took 18 minutes instead of 12 so now I have to get another child up and get one out the door. Off to the races, again.

"If it be winter...

can spring be far behind?" So pondered Tennyson. Yesterday as my youngest was getting dressed in a wonderful batch of hand me downs, she tried on a perfect Easter dress and asked, "How many more years until Spring?" What a smart question after the week of snow we had! Most of our friends were with out power for days on end, but we fared quite well having only lost power for a few hours...of course the power went out just minutes before the a.m. coffee pot was about to start to drip! Thank God there was a Red Bull in the fridge...it gave me wings you know! LOL!
I will address my silence on the blog another time. It was a God-calling-me-to-rest time and so I have. No, the laundry did not get done, duh, but I did rest. Eventually, I rested in Him. Now He has required much more of my heart then I had anticipated to share with Him or anyone else for that matter.
Initially I had intened for this blog to mirror the book by the same name. But frankly, I ran out. Not that I don't have a million more stories to share, but maybe, just a maybe here that is not what blogs are for. Maybe no one needs more of the same. So here I will share my "notes and asides" as Mom would have called them and pray they bless. I will post a scripture in the morning, but for now, I am going to curl up next to the good looken' man I am blessed to have married and say good night.
Good night all.

Needs, wants, desire...what is what.

Psalm 37:4 (King James Version)
“Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”


“You’re a survivor. Your like something out of the great depression.” My friend Lisa said to me as we drove down a busy road, back to my house after one of our many adventures together.
“I don’t know how to take that. LOL~”
So many of our conversations land us in doubled over with laughter that it would be natural to crack ourselves up over any statement made to each other. But Lisa wasn’t done making her point.
“No, I mean whatever comes at you, you are not going to curl up in a ball and wait for someone to rescue you. You are going to come at the problem head on and find a way to fix it. And you do it all with a smile on your face. Your more like my husband’s grandmother. You would dry out your paper towels and reuse them if you just used them for cleaning up water. Most people can’t do that anymore.”
“I guess I am kind of a scrapper. But in my ‘old age’ here, I am learning to rely on God for my needs not on my scrapper abilities.”
When we got back t my house, we kept chatting along the same lines until she saw our Christmas tree. We went back to our ROFLOL~ing as she described the tee as something created by little blind children. There is always an element of truth to her comments and this one was all true! LOL! It makes Charlie Brown’s tree look like the one in Rockefeller Center!

After she left I got to thinking that she was right. In the years I took care of Mom it became a huge part of who I am today. You see I was the princess who had no idea my parent’s ever had a money issue. They never mentioned it. Dad worked three jobs at the height of the ‘70’s recession. Mom wore the same outfits and kept the food budget down. We didn’t need wardrobes because we were in school uniforms. We honestly had no idea, or maybe just I didn’t.
So when the truth hit, when I was in college, I sort of didn’t understand. There had always been enough money for everything we wanted, I didn’t really believe that there was not enough money was the truth. By hook or by crook, there would always be enough. And often that enough for was what our priorities would call a need when in reality it was a want.
My parents had there own way of handling money. Dad would hand over his paycheck to Mom every week and she would put it into the bank and pay the bills, build up savings and buy groceries, gas, etc…. Oh and Dad got spending money as well. He never once looked at the accounts and had no idea how much money Mom had squirreled away.
What Dad didn’t hand over was the money he made on the side. And by on the side, I mean tips and whatever he made selling the merchandise that fell off the back of the moving truck or what he made on a bet at OTB. Some weeks he had more then others, but he pretty much spent whatever was in his pocket.
Dads pockets…I loved those pockets. They were like magic to me. His pants hung on the hook in the bathroom every night and his pocket ran deep. In the ‘80’s at the height of Dad’s money making I made a fortune. I had one of the best wardrobes in my teen years that you could imagine. I made so much out of those pockets I went to Hawaii at 17. I never believed in a money tree, I didn’t need to. I had something better: Money pant’s pockets. I lived quite the rich life.
Until I didn’t. When our insurance was capped on Mom, there was no money in those pockets anymore. It was all spent on bills. Unless Dad hit big on a horse or did good with the bookie. Now what?
Mom hid money, Dad spent his last dime. I was left somewhere in-between.
When Mom’s TV died, she gave me a deep sigh and said, “Now I will have nothing to keep me company in this room. We just can‘t afford a new TV right now.”
“Sorry Mom. I am sure we will work something out.” I said as I turned and looked for something in her jewelry box. “I can’t find my earrings. Did I leave them in here? Oh well. I will find them later. Look, I gotta go. See you later. I love you.”
I promptly left her room. Got into my (her) car, drove to Sears, used her Sears credit card and bought her a new TV. When I got home I told Dad to carry it in.
She looked at me and said “How did you get that?”
“I took your Sears card out of the jewelry box and slipped it into my pocket. Enjoy the TV. You sit alone in this room 24 hours a day. I am not leaving you with out something to watch. This one has a remote so you can change the channel yourself. Neat right?”
Mom took the tube off of her neck and said with total conviction, “You learned that move from YOUR FATHER! NOT FROM ME!”
“Yes. Yes, I did. Now shut up and enjoy the darn thing. I love you, I really do have to run now. By the way, it will run you about $25.00 per month. You can pay that. It is not going to put you into the poor house.”
Priorities vs. Providence. I think that is what our lives often boil down to. Mom was willing to play martyr and sit in the dark alone day after day. Okay, except that the rest of us would have paid very dearly for her martyrdom. It was not a price I was willing to pay and so made the decision for her. Maybe I did it more for me then for her. I am not sure.
What I do know is that broke is as broke does. It is not a priority to me to make sure I have paper towels in the house as all times. I know that I can use an old rag to clean a counter, wash it and use it again. I usually cook with a kitchen towel draped over my shoulder to dry my hands. And sometimes I remember to wear an apron to wipe my floured hands on but more often then not, my jeans have flour on them. I don’t need paper towels to have a clean kitchen~~~I could play that Sham Wow guy, minus the scandal! LOL!
I would rather buy chocolate chips then buy paper towels. I would rather buy an ornament then an expensive and disposable tree. I would rather buy breakfast food for the kids because I hate cooking in the mornings then loaves of bread for lunches because bread I can make. I make my choices based on what is a priority.
My parents did the same. I think it would be an argument Mom and I would have had, had she lived to today. She found it more important to have money for a rainy day…but her definition of rain and mine were very different. Dad would spend until there was nothing left to spend because tomorrow there may be nothing to spend it on anyway.
When I became the primary caregiver to them, one of the things I had to make decisions about was how the money was spent on them. Some of those decisions were spot on, some not so much. Sometimes I had to call them out on their decisions or be unpopular with mine.
So here I am, all these years later, both of my parent’s gone now. But not forgotten. Today I can look back and call sin, sin. Each buck I took out of Dad’s pants was stealing. Stealing always comes back to pride. Pride always says to God, “I don’t trust YOU to meet my needs and wants.“ How blessed I am to be convicted and forgiven by my Provider. I don’t say that lightly. I say it as one who has those “hot coals upon” my head like Paul describes in the book of Romans.
Each day as I trust Providence to provide for our families needs, He shows me something new. Sometimes He gives us our hearts desire because it truly is. Sometimes He says no, not now. Either way, I have learned to trust in Him in want and in need and in plenty. I began to learn those lessons in the years I cared for my parents. Today, I continue to learn them as a parent.

How about you?
Do you have to juggle the checkbook for your parents even as you try to juggle your own? How do you work out who talks to the insurance company, the doctors office, the hospital? How do you make those decisions: with your parents or alone? When do you bring them to your Abba?

Let’s pray:
Father in the name of Jesus, take it all. Show us how to balance not just our check book but our parent’s as well. Show us how to handle their money and when to abide by what they ask and when to say no. It can be so painful to make these choices when the money is not ours but the power is. Show us how to honor them in the choices we make, and the things we say. Help us to be good stewards of all they ask us to do.

Give thanks...

1 Thessalonians 5:14-23 (King James Version)
"Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men.
See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men.
Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Quench not the Spirit.
Despise not prophesyings.
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
Abstain from all appearance of evil.
And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

I realized last night that I have not an appetizer to our name for dinner today. We had plans to have another family join us, but do to illness can't make it. We still have another couple coming and family as well...now what? My husband told me not to worry, the stores are open and he would go pick something up...That's right the stores are open. Ugh, how I hate that the stores are open today at all.
Yes, when we were kids, for the most part, nothing was open on Sundays except the local bakery for a few hours. In our neighborhood the mom and pop supermarket and deli were open until noon or at the latest 2pm. But it was only a generation before that NOTHING was open on Sundays.
Recently I was lamenting to a friend that I would have to wait until noon to get something at the mall because it was Sunday. She asked me if I like living in a cave. The stores open at 10:00 on Sundays now, just like every other day of the week.
I suppose it boils down to money, perfectionism and a lack of belief in Providence doesn't it? The corporate stores can make more money by being open on Sundays, it feeds our belief that we must all be like Martha Stewart. We can have a perfect Thanksgiving (insert Christmas, New Years, 4th of July here) because if we forget our appetizers we can run to the store and the day will be saved. If we burn the turkey we can get another one, the restaurants are all open after all today as well. We can pick up an extra case of soda or beer or napkins if we feel the need to do so.
Of course that would mean that we don't really need to plan ahead do we? That would mean that we don't have to "pray about everything" because our needs or wants are available to purchase at any time on any day.
Legend has it that my mom's best high school friend, Ginger, hosted her first Thanksgiving with her new husband and his family. Her mom was not a cook at all so she asked my grandmother what and how to do everything. When the big day arrived, she knew to wash up the turkey before she cooked it and so she did. She scrubbed that bad boy Tom with soap and Ajax! Needless to say, dinner was not yummy! LOL! But there were plenty of side dishes and it became family legend to be told and retold every year at the table.
The Pilgrims understood what it was to live and die in need of all things. How awful that they came here for religious freedom and suffered that first winter with such lose. Can you imagine how much they must have missed England at that point? And yet, those that survived gave thanks in season and out. They did not give thank just on the first Thanksgiving, they did it everyday.
Today we live in historic times in a nation called no longer Christian by our commander-in-chief. To some degree he is right. He has held up a mirror and simply condemned us by our own actions. We, as a nation, have allowed more atrocities in the name of freedom, then any other nation with the murder of the innocent in the womb. We have allowed gay marriage. We have stood by and tsk-tsked the sexualization of our little girls. We have handed over our religious freedom out of the fear that we might offend someone by saying the name above all names in public unless it is to swear. As a nation, we the people, have allowed these things. Now what? Now what?
I don't know, except to give thanks today and everyday. On this uniquely American and religious holiday we should all give thanks for the "little foxes" that crept in to our garden. It is what has awakened this sleeping dog to say no more. We must give thanks for the president we have, because so many of us are standing up and say "NO!" to liberties being stolen and grabbed away. It did not start with him, it began a long time ago, one little fox at a time. It started with one little store open on a Sunday at a time. Eve could not put the bite back into the fruit. Remember, God did not forget us even in our sinfulness. Today lets be grateful that He has pealed the scales off of our eyes and raised up a nation, yet again, that will not stand for sin. We cannot bring it back to the days of our parents, but we can ask for God to bring us forward and re-found our nation, based again, on our Christian values and principles. Today we can thank God for the storm we find ourselves in and watch Him reveal Himself in this storm.

How about you?
How will you thank Him today? How deeply will that thanks go? How has freedom blessed you in the greatest nation in the world? How has this freedom blessed your family, in the season of caregiver? Are you mourning? How can you thank Him today in your sadness?

Let's pray:
Father in the name of Jesus, we pray. On a day set apart to give You thanks, we are humbled by all that is around us. We have more questions then answers in our nation today. Will we have the freedom to choose the care our parents need, or our children or ourselves? Will we lose that freedom in the name of government? Lord God remind us always to render to Ceaser what is Ceaser's but to render to You, what belongs to You. Let us rest and gain strength to fight for the nation You have blessed with such abundance. Forgive our squandering of it all. Pull us back, protect us from the enemy without and within. Thank You for the time left with our parents or for calling them home to rest in the ultimate healing. You alone are God of all, and we have been endowed by You with certain unalienable rights to life, liberty and property. You alone can place Your hand on our nation and call us forth as a remnant. Thank You for all You have done and what You are about to do. In Your name, Amen.