Just want to make a joke...

"Father in the name of Jesus, um, I don't want to be transparent. I don't want to be vulnerable...okay, we have that out of the way. You remember that woman from the Mom's group who told me her name was Chrystal...because you can see right through her? Yeah, to this day, I don't know her real name.

Transparent? Well maybe, but only with You.

Can't I just make the good people who visit my blog laugh? That's what I do, especially when I am feeling ill at ease. I would rather make a joke and visit the "for entertainment purposes only" mode for a moment or two, thank you very much. Maybe if I don't take my heart too seriously, maybe this feeling of living with no skin on will go away. It will go away again, right Lord?

You know I got the "no" answer I didn't want.

"No, Maryellen. No, you can't have it the way you thought it would happen. No."

Um Lord, You know how David reminded You of Your promises? Can I be so bold and come before your throne of grace to do the same? Your Word says I can...

Remember the homeless man that stopped me at church? You remember him, right Lord? It was right after I had spoken at my dear Sara's baptism a few years back. I could not understand why this man was so intent on speaking with me...and he was rather unkempt and I didn't know him and he made me feel a little uncomfortable, there on the stairs by the gym. Remember I wanted to walk away as politely as I could but he was so insistent on talking to me...

Remember what he told me?

"You have an important story to tell."

Remember how it spoke directly to my soul?

"Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise because what God has done in your life must be shared. Do not be afraid and keep it to yourself."

Remember how he was never at church again, Lord? I've always wondered if he was an angel. That verse about entertaining angels unawares came right to my heart as he spoke those words over me. I shook his hand and thanked him...I think I smiled at him but maybe not...it was all overwhelming and I don't know if my holy imagination took over from there. I do remember knowing that time stood still and no one else seemed to be able to hear him except for me. Was it real Lord?

Yes, it was real, Lord. I still don't know what Your plan is for me in this. I know whatever it is, that plan is in love, because I know You are just crazy about me. If I get in the way, pull me by the back of my pony~tale okay? I won't mind...mostly. I honestly will go anywhere and do anything that You ask me to do. Just show me...

Amen."

"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." Hebrews 13:2