Well that shook the ground this morning. I mean shook it!
Ahhh. Woman of faith that I am...unless we are talking money. You would think, at this point, I would believe Him. But I still struggle with it when the bills are do. And when I say struggle, I mean playing tug-o-war with a tiger and a stick, kind of struggle.
...and I get cranky...and I am impatient...and I don't want to get off the couch. Sigh.
But He is yet, still God. When I feel hopeless, He is the God of all Hope. But I have to say, it takes a couple of days for me to get there. Not quite 40 years wandering in the desert, but still way long.
Why? Maybe it is my own boundaries with the Lord. I say I trust Him, but...
This morning as I woke up, I had that heavy heart again...the one that is convinced that I can never get it all done. The one that avoids the bills because they are there and I get afraid there won't be enough. I HATE this job...even though I am the one that asked John to let me do it...because I was sure I could do it better.
You see, I don't actually want to trust God with the details of our check book...I want a win-fall where all our financial needs are met at one time and forever more. THEN I will give away freely:
To feed the poor.
To clothe the naked.
To visit the imprisoned.
Or maybe He wants me to trust Him in season and out. When things were bad, he met every need. Things are not bad anymore. We are on the other side of it...but the fear lingered on. Fear based in disbelief...That boundary that David Wilkerson was talking about up top.
Do I or do I not believe Him to be our Provider? Most days, or I should say, most hours I do. He has never failed, me or anyone else for that matter.
Remember the old song, "One, day at a time, sweet Jesus, that's all I'm asking of You." And maybe I start with that list of Thanksgiving for all He has already done...excuse me won't you? I have this most amazing God, waiting to hear from me.
Be blessed dear ones. Start with the Thank Yous and see what happens to your requests...they may just change by the time you get to the Amens!
“Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:16)
2 comments:
Oh, Mair - (I didn't realize that you were YOU when I responded to your comment on my blog - so I called you Maryellen...)
But...it's YOU!! What a great post! It's amazing to me how many of my women friends, in my personal word and my blogging world, have been talking about trust lately. The enemy must be at work - we are all being CHALLENGED in this area! I need to practice being thankful more often - even in the MIDST of struggle, fear, and doubt. Thank you for your encouraging words.
GOD BLESS!
I am such a Maryellen, but Mair is so nice and short! I am so in the "trust" time to the point that John used that word on me this morning...that he does trust me, and it made me cry. xoxo to you too!
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