Dear Ed,
I know, I should always call you Daddy. Or Poppy. But so often in the strange relationship we had, you were just simply Ed. God help my kids if they ever start to call me "Mair" 'cause I am not going to play. I guess calling you Ed was on the mild side of things I may or may not have called you over the years. Lets fact it, you had been called so much worse.
My favorite and only big brother, Mark and I have talked about how hard it is to go down town now, with out the possibility of running into you. How strange that must sound. In a city as big as Manhattan, it seemed that whenever we went, we always ran into you. In Time Square or Grand Central, there you would be, in what was simply your town. Because of you, we were never tourists in the city that never sleeps. We never owned a single thing that said, "I heart NY" in our lives. For the record, I still don't!
Our kids think we (Mark and I) are strange for not wearing T-shirts that say things...."Why be free advertising for a company, on top of paying for the shirt!" as you would say. Yup, still don't own a single thing that says GAP...although your grands have abandoned the faith on that one!
Speaking of faith, I heard you. Did you know? In the years that Mom was sick, I use to hear you in the living room, on your couch, mumbling your prayers. I heard you ask "Our Lord" to bless her and me and Mark. I heard you share your simple faith with a not so simple God.
You were a tough man to love in many ways...and I adored you. I know you believed that Mommy was the good one and you were the bad one. But I preferred you, maybe because of the way our family worked. I know we fought like crazy with each other. I should have honored you better when I was young....but I tried real hard to make up for it when I became a mom.
John is so very different from you...My dad the thief and my husband the cop. Funny right? He adored you too. I love that he made you not tell stories unless the statute of limitations had run out on what ever you had done, first. The one thing you and John had in common is the love you give. I never doubted that I was the apple of your eye...and I have that same security in John as well. Not a bad trait to find in the man I love. Thanks for showing me that.
As for your where abouts these days? It is just like you to leave us wondering where you are nights. I know where I want to see you some day. I know I want with all my heart to arrive in Paradise and to see you. And you know, if I see you first, I am going to have to double check just where I landed. Don't be offended, just being practical here.
I miss bantering with you. I miss knowing I should run after I made a comment that was below the belt with you. How we use to laugh together. The kids miss you like crazy. Maggie does not remember you, but she is still Poppy shopping. She always finds the oldest gentleman at the scene and has them wrapped around her finger in a matter of moments. Being only seven it is still awful cute....but there will come a point when, well, not so much! I am on it.
For Father's Day, I wanted to bless your memory. I still miss you and I so miss your credit card....I had such a good relationship with that card. Okay, Dave Ramsey would not agree, but...never mind. I miss you more. That was just the kind of dig that would have gotten me running! Your showed me mercy when I deserved none and grace when I deserved it less. You are the reason I trust this Heavenly Father so deeply and why I have never doubted His love for me. Thanks Daddy. Hope I see you soon. I desperately hope, I get to see you soon. And above all, I trust in our God of mercy and grace and justice.
Love,
1 comment:
Very honest. Very sweet. :-)
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