"Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139: 23-24
Okay, I have read that psalm at least a kazillion times (and that is way more than a bazillion, just so you know) since I was a kid. The very first line of psalm 139 states that, "You search me..." and out right says that He already has, in fact, searched us...He knows our every action, thought and word and work....He does not need me to ask Him to search me...He already has and since He created me, He knows every crease, every cell, every bump, lump or toe nail and which ones are fake... But there is just a little turning in there where the psalmist requests that search....
1) "Search me, God"
Okay, is anyone else marveling at what a scary idea that is? Seriously, come take a look at the mess my heart is Lord.
2) "Know my heart;"
Ah, what a wonderful thought (use sarcastic tone while reading that).....ever cried your eyes out when something you really wanted didn't work out? Ever consider that (remembering the whole council of the Word is seamless) He knows your deepest hearts desires and to give you what you believe you want would destroy what is the true desire of your heart?
2a) "test me"
Oh, God, no tests!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Except to live with out them, how else would He prove us faithful? To whom is He proving us faithful? Not just to the world but to our selves and to the faithful who has come before us...Recently, I got to pray with/over and anointed a dearest friend getting ready to sit for her RN boards...I prayed the same prayer my own mom prayed over me when I took my boards 20 years ago...He proved her a faithful nurse.
2b) "...and know my anxious thoughts."
There are so many. My biggest problem is how many times I have invited that anxiety in for cake and coffee...I have spent a great deal of time entertaining those anxious thoughts instead of entertaining the thought that He is thinking of me.
3) "See if there is any offensive way in me..."
Seriously, asking God to look for my sins? Why would I do that...after all the psalmist has already established that He already knows my sin, even the ones in the deepest recesses of my heart...so why would I have Him look for them? Ah...the answer of course is revealed in the next line...
4)"...and lead me in the ways everlasting."
So He can set me free, silly! It struck me last night that His Word is a lamp unto my feet and here I am running around in circles with a pin light trying to find my way in this dark world...when I have THE Light of the world as my tour guide! What an URT I am sometimes.
God does not mess with us...But He will allow us to follow a pin light like a cat chasing a laser if we insist...and even though He knows, He waits for us to come...each morning, He waits and longs to lead us in the ways everlasting.
