Schools out for this school nurse!!!!!!!!!

YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Over stated? Perhaps....Schools out for summer! Last night we spent the evening parodying "One Day More" from Le Mis and the brevity was welcome given that earlier I had a temper tantrum over my child who had broken my favorite bowl and the disastrous  kitchen...I cussed like an ER nurse and I think I made some words up. Just bein' real with ya's.  I know I can't have nice things so lets just move on...guilt trip to continue on another time.

 I had the best preceptor EVER in my co-worker Sharon. She is simply the kindest woman I have ever met...with a gift for sarcasm that makes me want to be her friend forever and ever. She even allowed me to Pinterest something in her office...seriously, am I blessed or what?  When I grow up (meaning when I have been at this in 10 years like she has been) I want to be just like her, just taller and probably more fresh. But you get it.

That said, what of this year? Oiy...if I were a drinking woman...okay, stop laughing at that and lets get back to the year, shall we?

Being a school nurse this year was just a few chapters short of having a "Cherry Ames" novel on our hands here...seriously, all I needed was my cap...

 
There were days when I could not say "It is well with my soul" because it was so disturbed with in me. I learned more than I knew I needed to know...and how desperately I need His grace way more than I need my own ability. It was sufficient, His grace I mean.

But I made a promise back in December to the blogesphere and my own heart...that I would remember not to forget. But I did. I didn't pray every day as I said I would. I didn't keep my own struggles in the perspective of what I said I would.

In the last two weeks or so, I remembered. Yes, I had a tough year, very...but it wasn't Sally Cox RN tough. Sally Cox RN, you remember, is the school nurse from Sandy Hook. She buried how many of the children who's immunization records she went over with a fine tooth comb. She buried her principle and her co-workers.  We all have moved on...I can't imagine she or her co-workers or the families ever will. 

So when you are relaxing or working or NOT reading with the kids...remember Sally Cox RN.  When it all seems heavy, remember them all.

Blessed and Humble summer all!

 

Go get 'em!

 What is a blog for if not to brag on my kid? Elizabeth is about to graduate from High School...today is her last day. She has complete and succeeded at what she was given to do. Why do we celebrate an accomplishment that was required? I mean, in all honesty, a high school graduate is seriously just completing the base minimum of what is expected of any kid in our country. I often remind my kids that their Poppy was on his way to fight in the Korean War by the time he was 17...so why do we make such a fuss out of doing something so cushy like graduating from high school?

Maybe we celebrate out of habit. When my own grandmother graduated from high school in the '20's it was a big deal...it meant that you were able to stay in school instead of working to put food on the table for your family. A generation later it meant that the kids of the greatest generation had successfully given to their kids what they were not given themselves. To my generation it meant we were heading off to college...for many of us we were the first to do so. My brother was the first to go to college in our extended family and the first to become an officer in the Navy, I became the first RN...that is a lot of accomplishment in a very short time.

But for Liz's generation what does it mean? I think it is the ending of "go do this" and the beginning of "what do you want to do" my dear. From this point on, she gets to choose how she learns, where she learns, and even the why of her learning. She gets to start a real job in a real office and drive and take trains and go to a school that is no longer paid for by the good tax payers around her. It has suddenly become HER LIFE.

HER LIFE? HER FAITH? HER LOVES and HER HATES? Wait a minute! WHY am I celebrating? Apron strings are getting cut with a hack saw but certainly not a scissor! Sigh...

Do I trust that I gave her everything she needs to go out in to the big, bad world? Some days. I told her about Jesus...I told her and I showed her. Or at least I tried. She will still ask, some times, what I think...but she is a woman who knows what she wants, as much as any about-to-be-18 year old woman can or thinks she can. I figure I have about four or five more years before she realizes I am not a complete idiot...but that is as it should be.

What can I say? I am so proud of what she chose to do in High School from rowing to theater...although referring to herself as a "thespian" just about sent her little brother into a panic..."No, Jack...not a 'lesbian' but a 'thespian' and yes those are two different things."  We did nice work there John...all by the grace given to a couple of parents who didn't even know how much we needed it until a Lizzy Lou came along and changed us forever...for the better.

Go get 'em tiger!

 Love,
Mom
 

     ...Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.

And that I cannot change for sure.


                                                                                                                                                                      

Twas a two days after Christmas and creatures (the dogs) were stirring, waking up the entire house. Ugh...so much for sleeping in to the late hour of 7am...Not bitter much at all, for sure.

These past few months were suppose to be quite different....but like my morning, quite different then I planned. So different. There were doors that kept getting slammed in my face, but I trudged onward towards a goal that didn't exist...until I used some good, old fashioned, Holy Spirit given, common sense. Common sense is often in short supply in my world, very short supply.

...and when common sense is used, don't be surprised when you are asked by godly people if are sure you really heard from God...you see there in lies the rub. There is a reason we Christians say things like, "I feel....I believe...I sense...I am pretty sure...I heard from God on this."  All of the prelude is so that if we are wrong, it won't be God's fault. It also leads others to point at you and say, "Well if you really heard from God, you would not have been wrong."

It is a year now that I began to ask some very hard questions about why I believed what I believed.  Do I believe that God can and does break into this dark world of ours and still performs miracles? I sure do! Do I believe I need to pray at all times? I sure do! Do I believe that I am a new creation and that I can do all things in Christ? I didn't...but I do now.

I have spent most of my life knowing that I am as incapable and ignorant and nothing as could ever be...but somewhere along the line, I missed an incredible fact: I am made in the image of God. I have been reborn into the image of Christ. The old has passed away and something new is here instead. I took Maryellen as an amazing creation of God, the workmanship of a master craftsman out of the entire equation. Somehow I missed that part of my faith...Even as I proclaimed that I am nothing with out Him, what I really meant was that I was nothing, period...and that my friends is a lie straight out of the pit of Hell.

The same is true for you...I know He can and does the extraordinary every day, in my life and yours. I don't mean to down play the God of all...just don't sell yourself short...in knowing you are the workmanship of His hands, you bring glory and praise to His name....and don't blame your mistakes on not hearing from Him...there is nothing wrong with your hearing. If man didn't make mistakes, we would be Him...and your not so there.

Common sense...use it. He gave it to you in the first place.


 

One more Christmas...

Ah, Christmas Eve...

It is not a big secret that I am not a huge Christmas fan. I am all for the birth of Christ, it is just the rest of it I am not terrific at. None of that matters this year though. This year, I am standing in gratitude for the life I have...and trying not to over plan the future I don't own.

At the very beginning of this season, I came closer to being a widow then I ever needed to consider before John was retired. The day before Thanksgiving John had a massive pulmonary embolism...clots in his lungs. There were way too many dangers in that for this wife/nurse/mom to explain...but it was bad, the worst...no. The worst didn't happen and for that I am so grateful.

From the start, there was not a lot of prayer on my part. How odd that I was somewhat silent. I just knew God is God and He knows what He is about. I have stood firm knowing that in His perfect plan, this fits...not how I would have gone with it, but not being God and all, I didn't question it a whole lot....deep faith is a gift for sure. Now, want to know what I did all wrong? Of course you do. This would not be the fun blog if you didn't get to chuckle for crying out loud!

I walked in His strength when it comes to keeping John alive. I am good at this kind of thing... I am good at keeping things moving in the worst of times. One problem...I am not good at the little things. Well not so little. Do not ask me to pay bills, look at prices in the grocery store, or Christmas shop with a budget in mind. Ido can all things through Christ...but I am a mess on my own. I spent almost three hundred bucks on snacks one shopping trip (snacks that only lasted a week) and I went to church with out shoes on one Sunday. I have only so many brain cells and mine have been busy firing on work, kids, and John...not the bank account.

No matter how hard I was trying, I kept blowing it. I started to get scared and was worrying, about everything. And then I showed up for prayer one morning. I spent some time in His Word and remembered a prayer I have prayed a million times:

"I can't. You can. So I will. Thy will be done."

It changed everything. As soon as the worry would begin, out of my mouth came, "Thank You for Your provision." and the worry went away. Not that I have to have all the answers, just that I simply do not have to have them.

We are finding our way to normal...although we are not sure what that means yet. A PE has a long recovery process. Long, very long.  There are "what ifs" that will need to be answered but not always by me. Some I have had to let go of and let be.

If I could describe what my soul looks like in this season, even as I walk around, it is me, lying before Him...Him as my Shepherd. Even as my soul lies before Him, my feet walk, my person keeps moving, but my soul lies before Him...still. Truely, it is well with my soul.

Merry Chrismas all.

I am a school nurse...Just a school nurse. Just...


Somehow, I found my way to school nurse. A job I was sure I never wanted...but it was a chance to work in both ministry and nursing...'cause nursing in and of itself is not ministry enough for an over achiever like me, don't you know.

...and last week, we saw another shooting, another massacre, another horror...Except this one was babies...first graders and their teachers and administrators. Working in a school this week means practicing safety drills, directions on new places to park, new rules for parents and students and school nurses.

First reports had the school nurse in Newtown CT as dead. The thought that she was killed just made me weep. Not that the slaughter of the children or the teachers was any less tragic...my word, I cannot quite wrap my brain around this...these babies. I cannot mediate on the killings or the heartache of an entire town, state, nation.

But it was the school nurse that got to me. I kept going back to it. It was two days before I learned the school nurse survived by hiding in the closet, hiding that is, after seeing the killer's legs from under her desk. She and one of the secretaries where able to make 911 calls and hide for four hours in that closet...

I have never met her, I have no connection to her at all, except that I too am a school nurse. Is this how teachers feel about their fellow teachers who were lost or survived? Are there school principles asking what they would have done in the same situation and mourning more deeply one of their own? Are there cops and firemen and medics out there sharing the grief they know their fellow cops and firemen and medics are facing?

Sally Cox was "just a school nurse" who ran a health office like an emergency room with no equipment. I presume to assume she hated lock down drills more than fire drills. I presume to assume she practiced in her head all the "what ifs" any nurse could...knowing she could be a first responder on a day of horrors. I know she was ready in skill and heart...that part I don't have to presume.

I am keeping Sally Cox RN in my prayers and thoughts this week. The challenge will be to keep her in prayer for the months and days and years to come. Lets not forget to pray...the funerals have only just begun but I can assure you so has the nightmare for those who survived.

Come, oh come, Emanuel.

 

Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. The servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went and told their master everything that had happened. Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matt. 18:21-35)


I am that guy. Not the one the King who was kind and let the debt be forgiven, but the other guy...no not the one who owed a little and was getting thrown in prison, the other guy, the one we call the unforgiving servant. That guy? Yeah, I am that guy. Mortified.

I use to look at the Unforgiving Servant (US) and think he was such a loser. I mean seriously? What kind of jerk would act like that? That US there, makes life so hard on the other guy, the one he wouldn't forgive. And the King guy is made out to be so harsh. Like the king did something so wrong? He had a debt owed to him and wanted to be paid. It was his money after all.

As for US, tell me you have never felt that way. Have you ever waited for a payment, a paycheck, a refund check? Something you are counting on? Have you ever gotten annoyed at how long it is taking? Ever been fully aggravated by whoever it is that owes you what ever it is they owe you....and yet...

Have you ever made the phone company wait an extra day? How about the car loan? The electric bill? What if those people were actual people? How long has your buddy waited to be paid for those JETS tickets. And just why should they understand?

"Give me my money!" I yell, grabbing the imaginary collar of whoever it may be, at least in my heart. And I am fully convicted that I am That Guy. I am US.

Heavenly Father, forgive me my debts...and forgive me for all the times I have not forgive the debts owed to me...Mercy on my soul.

We live in a time of "I am owed." Thanking God for showing me my own wickedness. Not to humiliate me, but to humble me. Covered in the blood, knowing that no I am free to ask Him to change my heart, be forgiven, and live to try again. What a Dad we have.


Now I wish He would show me to move my signature line to the bottom of my page!