Sunday, October 17, 2010

One spiffy dresser!

Well I have finally come clean with John about the suit incidents of 2010. Incidents is plural and yes, I used spell check to make sure I had the correct spelling. The JETS just got a touch down so there is joy in Schlusserivlle at the moment and that may be the noise you hear in the background...oh, wait, that's right. You are reading this, not listening. Blond moment here.

As a matter of fact, the entire suit situation has been one blond moment after another. Actually, this red head here could effect a change in the blond to red head jokes for all eternity. My antics might have made Luci wish she had thought of them and written an episode or twelve. Yup...I am that good.

Suits and dresses are not part of our lives all that often. Or at least not the usual. This year we have attended three weddings and still have a "Policeman's Ball" to hit next. John is a new man, now that he is retired. He was not a big dancer. I use to expect him to not dance. I would find some other wife who's man didn't want to dance too and we would hit the dance floor when "SHOUT" came on. Our men were left looking somewhat uncomfortable at the table. But there are just some songs that you can't sit out for crying out loud!

Now that John has Dance Fever, his suit has to be cleaned in between events and you know that leaves me with a problem. Use to be I had a year to worry about it, now I only get five days. That is just wrong to do to a somewhat scatter brained mom of many. Not to mention the scaring my brain has already received from him doing the "start the lawn mower" move.

I forgot to clean John's suit before his best buddies wedding back over labor day weekend...you know the wedding I sent him to on the wrong day? Yeah, that one. I encountered a Vietnamese woman at the counter of the dry cleaners who told me there was no way she could have it done by the morning...when I told her my husband was going to kill me (yeah, I played it up a little bit. Man is the kindest thing on earth) and she went into gear. She proclaimed that she would not have an innocent woman's blood on her hands and went about using a sticky roll on it, pressed it, and sprayed it with Fabreez...Day was saved and I sent John to a wedding in a dirty suit...twice.

Fast forward to October...I had learned my lesson. I had that suit in the way back of my very paid for mini-van for two weeks. I was ready.

I forgot until the Wednesday before the wedding.

Have I mentioned that my mini-van is slotted for a very special episode of Hoarders, Maryellen's Car Edition? Yeah, I keep my car the way I kept my bedroom as a teen, less the stack of Domino's Pizza boxes and mattress. My laundry room is usually a disaster too, but that is another blog post for another day. Back to the car...

When I got to the cleaners, I could not find the suit jacket. You see, the hatch on the way back of my van has been known to fly open once in a while. Usually it happens on our street and all is well. But since Kia is known for electrical problems (as in my windows will not go up...yeah, it's been raining so I am driving the pick-up truck) so there is no little light thingy to tell me the way back isn't latched. Best I can figure when the way back flew open that one time on Rt. 9 during rush hour, the suit and shirt must have flown out. I was pretty sure a homeless guy in the city of Poughkeepsie was walking around looking pretty sharp.

After a consult with a few girl friends as twisted as I, it was decided what to do: Lie. No, just kidding...just not tell the whole truth. John's suit was double breasted and that is out of date. A man needs a new suit at least every five years, if he is not in a career that requires a suit every day. That is the rule of thumb, I was told. John's suit was at least 7 years old...this just might work, I thought!

After an hour of sending naughty text messages, I suggested we go shopping for a new suit. Look, don't' judge. I didn't have time to pull an Ester and make him a big meal over a couple of days. Everything was working out. Suit purchased and my man was a happy man after all! Yay me!

Friday, I had to drive the pick up...windows, Kia...keep up, won't you? When I went to climb into the cab what do I see to my surprise? Yeah, the suit jacket and shirt. I have no idea why it was in there or how. Sigh.

I decided Providence was keeping John from looking out of style. Yup, that is how played this one. As a matter of fact, after the wedding on Saturday night, I came clean to John and told him the whole story...I started it with, "God even cares that we look our best. Guess what He did for you!?"

I gotta run. I have to drop John's new suit off at the cleaners for next weekend. Here is to hoping I can get this done with out a story...but that would make life boring, wouldn't it? Oh and I have to drop his old suit jacket off at Good Will...out of date but still pretty spiffy!


There is a ps to this post....

1 comment:

LucisMomma said...

Both of those suit stories are pretty funny! My DH hasn't worn a suit since, well, I can't remember.