Thursday, March 10, 2011

Thinking...

Earlier this week, I wrote a post for Blissfully Domestic about God thinking on me. This morning, I read the blog that David Wilkerson writes. His blog makes the same point that my Bliss post has. No, I am not screaming copyright. Duh.

Not only did Pastor Wilkerson use the same scriptures the Lord had placed on my heart, it was as if the Lord was sending me a quick reminder. Glory, huh? You can't help being crazy about this God of ours, who would think on the likes of me...

We have a family member that is profoundly mentally ill. Oy. How to love on someone who is so profoundly ill in mind. Worse then the disease itself, is the system of care that "we the people" have allotted for her.

One of her workers told John that it is exceptional that there is anyone who loves her...not that she is unlovable, but that they don't see family involvement. Wow. That will bring on some guilt. There is a strong history of our not being involved in her life. We were busy making and raising babies and building a life. As we were building our lives, we were busy forgetting that she was losing hers. A brilliant girl, with an amazing career, now folds clothes in a store. It is a job she is very proud of and has done very well with. We saw her once or twice a year. Just enough to make us feel good. Not sure how it made her feel. Not sure what to do differently either. Not sure at all.

That's not all of it. Truth is there were years and years of this illness that were left un-treated. The children and I were subject to severe outbursts of rage. Truth is, while she may be as gentle as a kitten today, back then, I was very much afraid of her...and not with unwarranted reasons.

I'm no sap. But today I find myself weeping for her and crying out for her healing and deliverance form the torture of her own mind. Reminded that if not for us, who would be "thinking on" on her? Her Heavenly Father that's who. He has not forgotten her. He formed her in her mother's womb. He knew she needed us to love on and think on and pray on her.

We have a running joke around my house. When I walk in the door, if John is home, I'll ask him if anybody called. Some days his answer is, "Everyone called, call everyone back." And if the answer is that no one called, my answer is, "Nobody loves me."

“Let all those that seek you rejoice and be glad in thee… But I am poor and needy; the Lord thinketh upon me; thou art my help and my deliverer; do not tarry, O my Lord” (Psalm 40:16-17)

He is thinking on her, just like He thinks on Mary, or Maryellen for that matter. He won't tarry. He never has.

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