Saturday, July 31, 2010

No beach...

It has always worked out. I call the rental office in Ocean City, NJ at the last minute and they have a place for us, no problem. I have gotten us some great places, once even right on the beach. And we pay almost nothing for it because the owners want the places filled up.
Not this year. For the first time in years the entire island is booked. Ooops.

What of it? Just disappointed. My friend Kim is on her way there now, with her beautiful girls, including Belle who is still so sick and her wonderful husband. About the only thing that keeps my green eyes of jealousy in check is that it is them who are going. I want to see them blessed...but I want to go too...waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

As I wrote about earlier in the week, I am beginning to take "no" more graciously. I am learning not to beg God for what I think is the best answer. I am learning and learning and learning. His will be done, even on the silly things like a vacation to the beach. If we were leaving this morning, there is no way I would have gotten to do my yesterday the way I did.

I got to spend the day with my Lizzy. At 15 she often has her own agenda of people to hang out with so it was a nice treat for me. I took her to get her hair cut at East Coast Salon.
When she told the ladies she was going to cut her elbow length hair to her shoulder they audibly gasped that she was going so drastic! It was a riot.

What got me most was that everyone stopped to tell her how beautiful she is. From my friend JoAnne (my bestie in the nail world) to the owner Pat, she was complimented and hugged and loved on. Now that beats going to the mall for a quick cut any day! I don't think I would have cared if they shaved my head clean given the way they fussed on her. I swear she walked out of there three feet taller! Oh, and we got some great hair do's!

****Pat, I will be wanting a discount on the new hair color I am coming in for next week for this little mention here in the blogesphere...just sayen' it would be nice of you.****

Later in the day we hit a sale at Penny's and we shopped, just the two of us. That makes for some rare time. I love that we can laugh and be silly and enjoy each other as much as we can. She is one of the people I would choose to spend my time with when ever I can.

The truth is my agenda ran deeper yesterday. The day was more about hair and shopping therapy then just hair and shopping. She and I have been stuck in a cycle of "I don't feel like I can do anything right for you" with each other. Each of us feeling like the other is always annoyed or disappointed or just plain mad. I suppose we are having some mother/child growing pains of late. Normal to a large degree I suppose. Some of it not so much.

I have this burden on my heart to "not provoke" my children "to wrath." Well there are times I could care less if my kids hate me and "do what I said or I will not only provoke you to wrath, I will revoke your birth certificate!" is more my hearts cry.

As a mom, I am not always sure how to get from point A to point B. I do know this: when a child is acting out, pull them in. When you are not sure what the right answer is never push the child away while you work it out. Pull them in and spend more time with them. Give more of your heart and risk it being broken. I know for a fact that Liz is a good kid. I hear it all the time from other grown ups. But I don't want "good" kids, I want holy kids. And she wants to be Holy. Now to trust her and Him more while not abdicating...Sigh.

I am learning to trust God with her and her siblings more and more everyday. Trusting that He has given us these gifts, our children, in jars of clay. He does know what He is doing even when we don't. He has more faith in me and them then I sometimes do. As Tennyson wrote, "Forgive me where I fail in truth and in they wisdom, make me wise."

Yes, Lord. Make me wise with your wisdom that I might not lean on my own understanding

...and maybe do a little shopping/hair therapy in the meantime.

"Do not neglect your gift." (1 Tim 4:14)

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