Sunday, August 1, 2010

A grumbler at heart...

I wonder if that is me. I've been known to grumble now and a then...Or maybe I am a good old fashioned trouble maker...Not sure if I am either or both.

John and I joke about my ability to build a case...I should have been a Perry Mason for sure. I have my facts and reasons, my accusations and my offenses all lined up like a case waiting for appeal. Again and again, we reason that no jury of MY peers would prevent a conviction based on the evidence at hand. I have won my share of debates unless I wanted to lose one~~~I was once placed on the side of pro-choice on a debate team. Yeah, I had nothing to say.

Point being that I can make an eloquent argument on paper and by mouth...question is, should I?

Are there times that "the facts" as I know them are not all of the facts. Am I too impetuous to sit and wait on God? Do I dig in and demand justice before I give the God of mercy and grace a chance to deal with others? Um, yeah, I've been known to do that.

So for the moment, I have been waiting on God for an answer to a situation we are in. Why? Because even though I am wired to fight or flight, I have learned that wisdom waits. Ah, the gift of wisdom.

Being stooped (yes, I no it is spelleted rong. I did it on perpusful, duh.) has been a trait that I didn't ask for. It was bestowed upon me as a young girl by a teacher my young heart believed. I learned I was not worth the trouble to renounce that lie and so it became a stone around my neck that caused my academic career to sink...

I became an English major in college because it was simply my native language and I couldn't mess that up. Writing was easy for me and poetry could be written with out rules. I knew I was a bit dyslexic but with a dictionary, I could look things up. I was more then a bit proud of the authors I read...and yet. There was a sadness to me about it because, like I said, it all came so easy.

Imagine my surprise when He called me to be a nurse? Yeah, that's what I said too. But I never said no because I knew He called me and if He did, He would give me the skills to learn what I needed to. And give me He did. I have never worked so hard at or for anything. Not in pride but in that wisdom He gave me. He called me so He would work it all out for my good. That my dears was His wisdom at work in me, with out my even knowing it.

But because my heart had never been delivered from the lie of stupidity, I never stood confident. If there was a nurse of higher degree in the room, my own insecurities would rush back and I would stand in the waiting. And then I grew some. I learned that I had learned all I needed to learn to do my job/vocation with great skill and confidence...not arrogance, but strength.

I learned to ignore the arrogance of a doctor who was obviously a victim of school lunch money theft. You know the type. The kid who got beaten up by idiots in school, who now makes more money then all the idiots of his youth put together. Yeah, can't stand those docs or teachers or IT guys or pastors for that matter. Give me the kid that got beaten up on the school yard or at the bus stop or who ate her lunch in the bathroom stall to avoid the lunch room AND stands in humility that God would choose her to serve Him...give me that girl or guy any day. Give me someone with a little common sense over a higher degree. A regular Joe the plumber over a Columbia Obama is way more my cup of tea. Wisdom vs. intelligence.

So my writing still comes easy and easier still with a spell check button although, as you all know, I will never remember the difference between "then" and "than" for the life of me. And nursing, if I don't know something, I do now how to look it up. I know how to admit that I don't know something and I think that makes me all the more valuable. Why? Wisdom.

God has demanded something of me that I had not anticipated: The quest for wisdom. God's Word tells us to seek after it and it will be freely given. While I don't always know the answer, I know the One who does. So more then answers to my questions, I seek His wisdom on the situation...For the one I find myself in now, I sorely lack it. But He has an endless supply. I can stand firm, knowing that He knows my end from the beginning and that I can seek His reply.

So wisdom waits and He will always use the foolish to confound the wise...that means I will never be out of a job.

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