Monday, May 24, 2010

Breaking up is so very hard to do...

No, this is not an announcement. But I do have to say that I am thanking God that John will be gainfully employed after retirement. A dear friend speaks about her husband retiring in the '80's and the lunches she has made the man ever since...can you imagine that kind of togetherness? No? Good. Let's be friends...LOL! I adore spending time with's just hard to do my jobs when he is here because we wind up chatting and get nothing done.

Okay, now that we have clarified what it is not, let's discuss what it is.

I am of the mindset that breaking up with our girlfriends is way harder on a woman then breaking up with any guy ever was. This is not a hint to any of my friends who may be reading the blog, just so you know! Now if you are a guy reading this...prepare for some insight into our warped and beautiful minds!

What brings this all up?

I saw an old friend from a distance. Once upon a time I would have gladly shared all the news of the book, the blog, the job, the husband's retirement...all of it. But we broke up. It was a rather silent break up. I am not even sure she wanted to break up. But broke up, we did.

There is something rather raw in the end of a friendship. There just is an intimacy between woman that we don't share with our men...Nothing French mind you, rather a closeness of the soul. Just as, the old saying goes, no one can pinpoint the exact moment a friendship began, most don't know the moment a friendship begins to end.

Even my Annie and I have had our share of breakups...if you don't have an Annie, you really must get one! She was my Maid of Honor, is god-mother to the kids, and all around, been~around~forever bestie. The only break up that I can remember that involved a right hook and a Christmas tree is one we no longer discuss...but we always got back together and we have been around way longer then even the men in our lives.

God knows I have had my share of girlfriend break ups...way more then I want to discuss. For my part I let God know that I was done making new friends. I think I let him know that after a pretty rough season when John and I found out who our friends were, who they were not, who was situational, and who was long term. Some friends left our lives and came back again, some left for the woman I saw. Some breaks are not just a good idea, they are ordained.

At that time, I let God know that I was never letting another friend in my life. I was done.

Enter Miss Sarah. She is my son's best friend's mom. Sarah made her way into my heart in the parking lot of our son's school. One morning at a time, one topic at a time, she made her way into my heart for good. She is one of the best life-long friends I have ever known. We spend every morning together over coffee for at least a half hour as our days get going in our own kitchens.

But long before I made that declaration of independence, God gave me one a few years earlier. I was lonely. I wanted someone to spend the days with.

You see, I am a Lucy and Ethel kind of girl. I love having a partner in crime. I like to have someone to grocery shop with and to solve all of the worlds problems with, right before we create more problems.

One day in prayer I had the sense that God wanted to discuss this issue with me.

"Am I your I am?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Is my grace sufficient for you?"

"Yes, Lord."

"Am I enough?"

"Yes...Lord. Yes."

"Then stop looking for your Ethel. I will supply all of your needs." (NOTE: Don't go reading too much into that one. No, I do not suppose that God is my Ethel, that would mean He was married to Fred and that would be way weirder then the rest of the conversation.)

Wow. I was not suppose to look for a partner in crime? I was suppose to look to Him to meet me, in the kitchen, to go grocery shopping with? To sit and chat in the mornings?

That began one of the most intensive seasons of one to One with my Jesus that I have ever had. He grew me in His Word in ways I never knew were possible. During that time, there were still friends but not the Johnathon and David ones that I longed for.
I had met my God in the recess of my heart and discovered that I was truly highly favored, adored, preferred and set apart. His was the only nod of the head I needed. It was when I began to play to an audience of One.
Something happens to a girl when her self~worth is found in Her God and not in friendships anylonger. He made me whole again, like He created me in the first place.
I am blessed with friendship with some of the most amazing woman the world has to offer. Some have been around for decades now. Some are newer. Some of them have let me grow up and some I have had to let grow up.
I prayed for that old friend I saw. I often do. When I drive past her street or where she works I always pray for her well being. We won't be friends again, but I pray her the best.

"Jonathan said to David, "Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, 'The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.' " Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town. " (1 Samuel 20:42)


jennifer said...

precious heart Ms. Maryellen...that's what I feel when i read this. you have a precious heart.

God blesses those who cherish Him over all others...indeed.

Melissa said...

Great entry Maryellen. Love the new look too!