Friday, September 24, 2010

Some days...

Waiting on God is hard.
Trusting God is harder.
Believing in His plan is harder still.

Some days, I can't, in my own fleshy self believe another moment that everything will work to the good for me, even though I love Him and have been called according to His good purpose.

Some days, I believe I AM all I have to work things out.
No one understands.
John doesn't get it.
Kids don't get it.
Even the darn dog is all about the darn dog.

Some days, the burdens are too heavy to give over because I don't really trust that He has a plan after all...

And so, some days, I cry. Not "why me" tears. Just the tears of my own frustration convinced I've been asked to be Sara walking into that tent. The thing is, she went in, knowing it was all wrong...

It leaves me wondering: how long was she in that tent pretending to be a concubine for the king? Did she change into something less comfortable? Did she cry? Did she try to make small talk with the other concubines?

"So does your back ever bother you, given your profession?"
"Nice tassels. Are they hard to keep on?"
"Do you all have a union or are you independent contractors? 1099?"

I also wonder if she walked out of that tent, smacked Abram upside the head and called him an ass.

The thing is, even when Abram was having his moment of stooooooooooooooped, Sara obeyed. And God kept her, AS WELL AS ABRAM, from harm. Why?

I know I've talked about these two before. But I adore Sara...maybe because the first account of laughter, sarcastic laughter at that, in The Word was by Sara. God's plan was off the charts crazy and she laughed in disbelief at the very idea of it.

"A baby? Yeah, right! LOL!"

And yet, here we are all these years later still talking about that baby.

Some days Psalm 62 sets me straight...when I don't understand, when I can't see a way:

"My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.
He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God."

Some days, I remember He is the only source of my honor...Some days I need the reminder.

P.S. For the record, John has not asked me to "step into a tent" of any illicit kind! Don't be stupid, I've had five kids...Sara hadn't had any yet, she might have been old, but I bet she was still hot! Duh.

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