Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Almost Awl gone....

Ahhhhhhhhh. I can feel summer knocking at the door. One child out the door for a final, four more sleeping and a husband just beginning to stir. I love it. This last week of school always seems so pointless to me. Just let it be summer already. We here in the North East suffer the end of the school year like no one I know. We start in the beginning of September and end in the end of June. UGH, I say, just plain old UGH!

My kids started in school later then most here. We had started in the homeschool realm in August but when it seemed quite clear that it was time to go back to school for them, I filled in mountains of paper work and sent them on their way. For the most part it has been a good year for them in school and for me here at home. But man, do I hate getting up so darn early!

Hang on, the dog is whimpering in his kennel and I need to let him out because all four paws are crossed...done. At a 120 pounds, the dog that ate Poughkeepsie is nothing short of a big, yellow chicken, afraid of the vacuum and peanut butter. Okay back to my rather vanilla, thus far, Tuesday post...

So what did the kids learn this year? Well evidently enough to go on to the next grade level...although, come on, it's NY...how much could they learn as products of the Wappingers Central School District~no hate mail my dear teacher friends. I have my opinions and thus far, they have been rather accurate.

I was thinking about what I learned this school year. I learned volumes. For example:

~Waiting and resting are not always the same thing. Resting in Him is way different then taking a nap. I should know, I am a world class nap taker. If there is ever an Olympic event in napping, I am the girl for the job. I can almost hear the announcer commenting now:

"Look at the way she pulls that Snuggly up on herself! Wow folks! Maryellen is going to be the one to beat in this event!"

When we rest in Him, in the assurance of our Heavenly Father, we are putting to rest our anxieties over what we are suppose to do and when. I honestly believe, it is way more work then worrying. Worrying gives us something that WE do. Resting in Him, gives us the freedom to hand it over and let the concern be His.

Yeah, most mom's spend a fair amount of time in worry.

So I had to be brutally honest about my "why" for homeschool.

I can list an easy hundred reasons to do so, not the least of which is that homeschooling is by far a superior form of education. Again, teachers, it's my blog, so back down...I love you, but hey, facts are facts.

We got to teach our children real history and science and math...not that which was made up in some textbook with an agenda...I got to teach my son to read. Glory...that was a gift that has kept on giving. There is nothing like it in the world. We also didn't have to un-teach the lies they had to learn in a liberal-biased-based system. It was wonderful...

And then it wasn't. I don't know why the shift from A to B. All I know for sure is that when I felt the call to put them back in school, all the reasons to homeschool came running at me like the Road Runner trying to escape Wile Coyote. And somewhere between the end of last August and the beginning of the school year, an ACME boulder hit me on the head.

That ACME boulder had "FEAR" written on it. I knew it was time to let them go back to school. But how could I? I was awful afraid. All the fearful reasons not to send the kids to school were packed into that boulder. So I began the school year at home.

...and it was not going well. It took a month to see that. And it took some carpet time alone with the Lord as well. I had my nose buried in that rug, pleading with God for an answer. He was so faithful...and brutally honest with me. UGH.

Fear is always sin in the heart of the believer was the word that kept coming back to me. I don't remember where I learned that, but it was probably a Beth Moore~ism.

I know I've blogged on this scripture from Matthew before, but it is one that the Lord has used on me over and over again in the last few years. I love that we can read a scripture, think we know what He meant and then He uses it, in context of a new situation in our lives and we see His Truth again and again.

Remember when Jesus had just finished feeding the five thousand? He told the boy to get into the boat and He would finish dispersing the crowd. He essentially told them "I'll catch us with you." Okay, anyone else here make a funny head tilt? He actually already told them that He was up to something. How did they think He would get to them. I love the apostles, mostly because they are so dippy, kind of like us.

Anyway, when the boys are on the boat a storm stirs up...of course it did. When did they ever go out for an easy sail? Then they see what they think is a ghost and they are scared stiff...again, how did they think He was going to meet up with him. But I love what Jesus tells his boys next:

"Fear not

It is I.

Don't be afraid."

Notice Jesus didn't start yelling at them: "It's ME! It's ME!"

The first thing He did was tell them what not to do: "Fear not."

He told them to remove the fear, so they could see who He was.

When fear is in the way, we can't see Jesus. I know I can't. I was so stuck behind that fear boulder, that I had no idea how to see what to do next. I couldn't trust Jesus because I was trusting in my fear...it is comfortable place to be, fearful~ville I mean. In many ways, I have known fear way longer then my Jesus.

So sending my children to public school was way braver then keeping them home. My word do we live in a wicked and perverse generation or what? Our children, homeschooled, un~schooled, public schooled or private schooled will face way more then we ever did and way younger at that. Think about it, many of you can remember the first time a Tampon commercial came on while you were in the room with your daddy...remember wanting to run out of the room? Today, we have not just birth control pill commercials but ones for K-Y jelly and Viagra. And these are on the family channels! Oye.

Okay, lets not get onto the media...and homeschoolers with out TV...it's now your turn to back off and I say that with more love then you can imagine.

I envy those called to homeschool and wish I was called too. I can't say that public school is for always...I miss teaching the kids way too much. But I do know that the next time, if there is a next time, I will teach them like I did when we began: because we are called to so so. I won't homeschool for the reasons I was meditating on last Fall: fear and "what if's".

The homeschooler is not yet dead in me. I just dropped Maggie off to school at 9:30 instead of 8:45. When I had to write down my excuse as to why she was late, I wrote: "Because it's summer, silly!"
Okay, maybe that is not the homeschooler in me but proof of my still, somewhat, rebel heart...either way, let the summer begin!

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